MMORPG > PC > Ultima Online > 534N's Response

Posted: June 12th, 2006
Last Updated: June 12th, 2006

This is a response to The Adventures of TJ Miner, TJ Miner Commits 2nd Degree Murder story. Although this story is claimed to be 100% accurate, it is still a bit exaggerated.

Written by 534N

Response to TJ Miner Commits 2nd Degree Murder

Unlike TJ Miner's story, this story is completely accurate and not embellished or inaccurate in any way.

I first heard about the wonderful and lustrous land of Ultima Online from Drath Dragonbane and begging him over the course of weeks and more than likely, for months, he finally burned me a copy of it and included directions on how to configure the game to play on free shards. The particular free shard we were playing on was called Crystal Gate.

So I quickly rushed home with the CD in my hand the entire way. That may sound like I was anxious, but i'll clarify... I not only had the CD in my hand, I had it in my right hand in such a way that it was ready to be placed into the CD-Rom to be installed, and in my left hand, the paper that Drath had written instructions on... I was psyched!

So I got home, installed the game and expectedly, with my lack of technological prowess, I had an error! It took me at least 2 hours to get Drath to help me via MSN [although it seemed like 5, at least! Maybe more!]. So after his usual Grade 9 MSN retorts of "STFU, FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF, *BLOCK*", we got it working and I logged in after creating my account on the Crystal Gate website.

I heard the intro music and saw the cheesy graphics of the splash screen and I thought "Wow! This is what i'm talking about!". So I spent the next 15 minutes or so customizing my character via the very limited customizable options... I couldn't decide if I wanted a Topknot hair style, or long hair, the colour of my hair, facial hair, clothing, etc. So I finally settled on a brown Topknot hair style, lime green shirt and navy pants with Magery and Resisting Spells as my two skill choices and alerted to Drath that I was logging into Minoc, which is where he told me to choose to start.

I spawned on a bridge and was overwhelmed by the super-photorealistic graphics! I saw Drath on his mining character, LaGwAgOn, run up to me and tell me to follow him... I had no idea how to use any controls so he had to run back and tell me how to move. So eventually I followed him southward across Britannia and finally we came to a range of mountains which unknown to me at the time, was Covetous. We got to his tower and I saw two people inside. One was Dave [forget name] and the other was TJ Miner.

The door of the tower was opened to me by Drath and I went to explore the simple 5x6 tiled, 3 story tower. I came to the roof of it and sat down on a throne. I thought to myself and most likely expressed verbally in the game that "This is the best game, ever!"

I saw TJ Miner running around and thought nothing of it and still thought nothing of it when he sat in front of me. Suddenly my eyes were attracted to large red text above my character! *TJ Miner is attacking you!* Ahhh, what was I to do? I was in the game no more than 10 minutes and I was under attack!

Just as suddenly as it started, it stopped - I was a ghost and my hopes and dreams and my life started to fade. I was probably crying in real life cause I didn't know what to do... So, I did the only thing I could... I MSN'd Drath on what to do, and after a long series of "STFU, FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF, *BLOCK*'s", he told me how to resurrect and I was excited again at the prospect of this game having a huge fun factor to it.

Then the spider came... We all died NUMEROUS times and the area around Drath's tower was littered with a number of our bodies, it took us nearly 30 minutes to battle the vile beast and when it was done and we were all pleased with ourselves and each other, the only thanks from Drath we got was him at the top of his tower yelling down at us saying: "CLEAN UP MY F**KING YARD YOU IDIOTS!"